Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize