I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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