and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
