i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
