my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
