I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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