all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
