bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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