I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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