I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
