4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
