HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
