I faked an abortion last night.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize