she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
