Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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