Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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