when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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