Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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