when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
