im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
