There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
