Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
