Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
