I got chris browned last night
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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