you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
