the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dick very happy bro
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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