I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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