you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
