I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
