3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize