i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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