you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
