I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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