i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
