just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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