it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Holy shit dude........stairs
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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