ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
