I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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