Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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