Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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