btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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