there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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