What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
