i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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