If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Someone signed my nipple.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
