i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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