I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Please don't give away my fajitas
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize