obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
