Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize