booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
