doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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