walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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