I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize