Duck Duck Cougar?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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