Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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