our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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