And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
