Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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