So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
