She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize