All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
