Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
