you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
