I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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