Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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