He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
