She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
