very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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