Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
