Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
