you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
