Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize