Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
