I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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