Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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