I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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