Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
