Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
