Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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