He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
so much tequila, so little girl.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
