Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
