i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
