i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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