so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
