I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
