I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
