I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize