Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
