youre lurking in front of me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
