finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
