see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
