so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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