Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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