so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he just fucked me for my cheese.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
