He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize