I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
