Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
