There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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