she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
