the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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