he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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