I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
