She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
