Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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