oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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